Deadpool's Travels
by mariic1
Summary: Deadpool travels the world in this tale of Action, Adventure, Romance, and a lot of Sci-Fi crap. Rated T for Language and strong violence.
1. Chapter 1

Hello, my name is Deadpool. You might notice that I'm serious from the first sentence and you're probably thinking that hell froze over since I'm serious for once. This is a tale of action, adventure, romance, and a hell of a lot of sci-fi crap. It's a story that I like to call, **Deadpool's Travels**.

It all started several years ago at the Foxhound Recruitment center. Me and a friend of mine by the name of Alfred F Jones were bored of respectively driving a taxi around NY and teaching English to foreigners. Yes, I know that this sounds a lot like Stripes, which was one of Bill Murray's best films, but just work with me. Anyway, A blonde guy with a trench coat came into the room and sat down.

Liquid: Hey, I'm Liquid.

Me: Wade.

Alfred: Alfred.

Liquid: So you're going to join Foxhound, too?

Me and Alfred both nodded.

Liquid: So what's your deal?

Me: I'm a weapons expert and I have an accelerated healing factor.

Alfred: And I have superhuman strength and a healing factor.

Liquid: Uh, yeah, that's cool.

Me: What about you?

Liquid: Uh, I just kind of kick a lot of ass, you know?…. Plus I'm British.

Shit.

Deadpool's Travels Episode 1: Welcome to the Team

Long story short, we all passed the test.

Campbell: The computer calculated your test scores and gave you your codenames.

Me: My codename's Deadpool, sweet!

Alfred: I got America, awesome! *Ahh, the Irony*

Liquid: My codename's Snake, so I guess that makes me Liquid Snake.

Just as he said that, it seems like both him and the Colonel both froze when the words "Liquid Snake" came out of Liquid's mouth.

Colonel: I'll send someone to give you a tour of the place later. Holly crap, I need to make some calls.

After saying that, he left and only the three of us were left in the room.

Liquid: Snake, that name sounds familiar, but I can't put my finger on it.

Me: It's probably nothing.

So later on the three of us met Revolver Ocelot, the team's sharpshooter with a disease called Chronic Backstabbing Disorder (Don't worry, he has it under control), and he introduced us to the rest of the team. First there was Vulcan Raven, an Inuit Shaman with a minigun. Contrary to his name, he wasn't from the planet Vulcan. (Joke) Then there was Psycho Mantis, a psychic who definatly lives up to his name. Apparantly, he doesn't like girls, and every time he gets touched by one, he usually wigs out and gets his "emergancy soap". Next was Sniper Wolf, who was, in case you couldn't figure it out, a sniper, and a really hot one at that. She also has a wolf named Berthold, who's a telepath. Finally there was Decoy Octopus, a master of disguise who uses people's blood for…. Whatever he does to disguise himself. After meeting everyone, we all went to bed. A few hours later at 6 A.M., the alarm went off.

Me: Yeow!

America: Finally, something interesting!

Liquid: (still asleep) I don't want to go to school.

Later, after we dragged Liquid out of bed….

Liquid: I have no idea why you're waking us up at 6 A.M., so this better be $#!ing important. Is the base on fire or something?

Ocelot: No, we're being deployed.

America: $#! yeah! So, where are we going to kick some ass and chew gum?

Ocelot: First of all, wer're all out of gum, and second of all, we're going to Tknsydska.

America: Wha?

Ocelot: Tknsydska.

Me: Ahhhhhh, Tknsydska. The home of the Great Vowel Famine of 1989.

Ocelot: Just shut up, would you?

Later, in the breifing room…

Campbell: Early this morning, the American Embassy in Tknsydska was attacked by a splinter unit of the Tknsydska Special forces, led by Colonel Jensen Kyrnos. Initial Intelligence suggests that the ambassador and his aides were taken hostage.

Me: Tell me if I'm wrong, but are you telling us that we're being sent to the country with the most ridiculous name in all of eastern Europe to rescue perhaps the _single least important_ official in the U.S. Government from a bunch of psychos led by colonel _shit-for-brains_ there?

Campbell: Yes, but he contains some information about us.

America: Allright! Let's do this!

After the debreifing, which had nothing to do with underwear, we began the mission. And I'll tell you about it… in the next chapter.

Next: Mission Start!


	2. Chapter 2

Song: Mystical Ninja theme

Ganbare SO Ganbare  
>Akiramenaide<br>Kuchibue fuki Saa Aruki-dasou yo  
>Going Now<p>

Saa Goran Kumo no sukima kara Hora!  
>Miete kuru haruka sora no kanata<br>Tatoe tsumetai kaze ni sarasarete mo  
>Jibun-rashiku ikite yuku no ga ichiban<p>

Da kara...

Ganbare SO Ganbare  
>Yume wa hitotsu ja nai sa<br>Te wo nobaseba tsukameru yo Take a chance

Ganbare SO Ganbare  
>Akiramenaide<br>Kuchibue fuki Saa Aruki-dasou yo  
>Going Now.<p>

Last time on Deadpool's Travels, me, Alfred, and Liquid joined Foxhound and we were sent on a mission to rescue the US Ambassador. There was one catch though, we had to jump out of a freakin plane!

Me: So, refresh our memories. Why the hell are we risking our lives by jumping out of this freakin airplane?

Ocelot: It's the fastest way, now off you go!

And having said that, he pushed the three of us out of the freakin plane.

America: I hate you, Oceloooooooooooot!

Deadpool: I can't believe that he tossed us out of the freakin plane!

Liquid: Why the hell do you keep saying "the freakin plane"?

America: I have no idea why he keeps talking about the freakin plane, but you just said it, too!

Deadpool: You said it, too! And I just like talking about the freakin plane.

America: When the hell are we going to land, anyway

Fourtunately, we had our parachutes with us, but mine didn't open up untill _after_ I landed. Right on top of a sharp tree branch that decapitated me. Liquid and alfred, however, landed safely.

Liquid: Hey, where's Deadpool?

Right after he said that, my (decapitated) body and head fell right in front of him. Then he proceeded to pick my head up.

Liquid: Oh my god! They killed Ken—I mean Deadpool!

America: You bastards!

Me: Enough with the South Park references! I'm not dead!

Liquid: Yahhhhhhhh!

Then he dropped me and landed head first (mostly because I only had my head at the time).

Me: Ow.

Episode 2: Mission start!

After I pulled myself back together (pardon the expression, and remember, I have a healing factor), the rest of the team came in and the misson really started.

Ocelot: Finally, we get to get started!

Me: Yeah, it's about time that the author finally got off his lazy ass and—

Then I got struck by lightning.

Me: Okay, let's just go.

After a lot of walking, we made it to the base.

Me: What the hell possessed the pilot to move the freakin plane a long way away from the base anyway?

Mantis: It's because they'd catch us if we landed too close to the base.

America: Let's just get into the base, okay?

Later, after we snuck into the base…

Ocelot: Okay. Me and Mantis are team alpha, while the rest of you are team Bravo.

Me: Encore!

Ocelot: Shut up, Deadpool! Anyway, team Bravo, you go find the ambassador, while team Alpha goes to the tower to take out Kyrnosz. Now let's move!

Aaaaaaaaand we were off! Octopus decided to disguise himself as the colonel. And KO'ed some guards, but then Liquid and America got captured by a guard.

Guard: Don't move or the freaks get it!

Me: When you said "Don't move", does that mean that I can't do this?

At that point I did this kind of weird dance thing while shouting "Hooga hooga hooga hooga hooga hooga" several times.

Guard: What the hell are you doing?

Then I pulled out an Uzi and aimed it at liquid.

Me: This!

After I said that, I pulled the trigger, and the guard's brains were splattered all over the walls.

Liquid: Wait a second, if that gun was aimed at me, then how did it kill the guard?

Me: Simple, this Uzi's barrel is slightly curved so that it's not noticable, but it can shoot a target 1 foot to the right.

America: Dude, that's awesome!

Later, we made it to the center of the base, but we hit a snag in the rescue.

Octopus: Looks like our hostage is in another castle.

Then a monitor popped out with a pre-recorded message.

Colonol: As you can tell, the Ambassador isn't here right now, but I left a present for you. In three minuites time after this message ends, a bomb will go off and destroy the base with you in it. Better start running!

With that, the message ended and an alarm sounded.

Vulcan: That's great, the ambassador's not here and the base is going to blow. Can things get worse?

Me: Yes, we're out of room!

To be continued!


End file.
